Trying for Balance

I've been writing some pretty off-the-cuff type of stuff lately, so I have to take today to do a more reflective entry. In this new semester and new year of my life, I've decided that my #1 priority will be balance. A lot of my happiness, even before now, originated in my ability to keep things in proportion in my life. Some people are much better at things like a lack of sleep, poor eating habits, or just more spontaneity. I, however, tend to short circuit under such conditions. There are so many opportunities, though, for me to abandon this resolve. What many don't understand about it is that I would, above all, prefer to pass up work or school work anyday in order to have some fun or just hang out. But, there are two things that prevent my being able to do it all--money and time.

The hardest part of all of this is that as others put a little pressure on, sometimes that's all it takes for me to drop what I'm needing to do in order to please and to have fun rather than isolate myself. While slips like this meant nothing in undergraduate, they can now manage to throw off an entire semester's worth of work. But, the bottom line is that graduate school is like a second full-time job for me. When I finish this brief, two year M.A. program at Villanova, I must be able to look back and convince others at a new institution that I am a competitive Ph.D. candidate for their program. I can't do this by not proving the same thing to the professors at Villanova. And I have to say I am relieved that the force of that motivation keeps me on track. Because, when it comes down to it, this is my entire future we're talking about...not a temporary vacation, not a night out, not a blowing away of a block of hours. Unfortunately, all of those things have to be put off until I accomplish my goals and secure my future.

What I hope people understand is that I have to be serious about this and it's not easy--the work, itself, or having to sacrifice my social life. I have sacrificed a lot of friendships and family relationships in order to achieve my goals, and I can't shrink in academic intensity now. So, while I may appear to be too miserly with my time to some, I hope that at least a few out there can see that I'm still able to be a good friend and worthy companion. Trust me on this: this life is no picnic, but it will pay off and I'm using my free time to enjoy what parts of it I can. Overall, I am extremely satisfied at the moment. Thanks to those who are constant support...couldn't be making it without that.